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Mind the bump: pregnancy is no fun
Sunday, March 21st, 2010

I wish it were different, but I€™m not a fan of the pregnant state. During the stage when I was longing to become pregnant, I dreamt about how I€™d feel and look, with gorgeously glowing skin and a cute little baby bump. Four pregnancies in, the reality is somewhat different. Is it just me, or is being pregnant a badly designed nightmare?

Gloria is fabulous, but not everyone carries off the look so beautifully

Gloria is fabulous, but not everyone carries off the look so beautifully

I€™m tired. Not just a little fatigued after a hard night at work and a few nights of partying on the trot, but can barely wake up, could sleep all day, tired. For someone who usually has masses of energy, this is a pain. I don€™t feel like me. I can€™t do the things I usually do. Even putting the grocery shopping away can bring on a swoon. And some of the things I usually love, like, oh you know, having a social life, make me want to cry.

I€™m huge. Not that I want to be a stick insect, but in my thirty-plus (plus…) years, I€™ve worked out what suits me and what doesn€™t. Grappling with a daily changing figure has got me all confused. If it were just a growing bump, it would be relatively easy. But everything on a pregnant me gets bigger because I eat so much to combat the nausea. Chunky thighs. Wobbly arms. And boobs. No one told me dressing bazookas was so difficult.

I€™m nauseous. From about six to 20 weeks I feel sick pretty much all day and night, and usually wake at about 2.30am to either be or feel sick. I then get a respite for about eight weeks, before it all starts again. Eating constantly helps, but cramming your face with a clear conscience isn€™t as much fun as I thought it would be. Nor is smelling the yucky fridge, oven that could do with a clean, and any kind of meat or cheese product. I€™d wear a gas mask, but anything constricting my face makes me feel even worse than usual.

I€™m boring (you€™ve probably gathered that if you€™ve got this far) and have got no energy. The thought of going out in the evening is enough to ruin my entire day. I try and fail to catch buses, and Hoovering the stairs makes me want to lie down behind the sofa where no one will find me.

I€™m clumsy and can€™t make decisions. Cups of tea end up on my top, I walk into walls, and knock over stray children innocently playing on the floor. You should see the sofa I bought when pregnant with boy#3, and as for the clothes I wear €“ well, let€™s just say I wouldn€™t go near them without a bump.

What a whinger. And what did I expect? I€™d go through it each time for years if it meant one of my gorgeous boys at the end of it. A huge upside is feeling so full of beans from the second the baby appears, that I love the first six months, sleepless nights and all. And having never had a fabulous cleavage, it makes me laugh when men talk to my chest instead of to my face, something my better endowed friends tell me happens to them all the time. But I think that maternity leave should be made compulsory during pregnancy. Imagine as many weeks as you need to lie down, eat ice cream and be given daily rations of Heat and Hello! A chef to cook for the family, you and the bump. No shopping or school runs. And a party in your kitchen at about 5pm one night a week so you can catch up with friends without thinking €˜eek, 8.45pm? BEDTIME!’. If the election is going to be won at the schoolgate this year, compulsory pregnancy leave is something I€™d campaign for. Once the bump has gone, of course…


23 Responses to “Mind the bump: pregnancy is no fun”
  1. Maggie F says:

    Come on, it’s not that bad is it? Just think of the cleavage. I missed my bump when I didn’t have it any more.

  2. angels&urchinsblog says:

    When I bleugh stop being sick I promise I’ll think of the cleavage. I don’t think I’ll ever miss the bump though.

  3. Young Mummy says:

    I’m with you – was all set for the wonders of pregnancy and didn’t enjoy it much at all! The sickness was the worst part – throwing up at least once a day for 22 weeks was not my idea of fun. On the upside it meant I ate so little that I didn’t put on much extra weight! The husband lost weight too because the smell of cooking was totally banned in our house. x

  4. angels&urchinsblog says:

    YoungMummy – The sickness is hideous, though as you say, the upside in your case was possibly leaving hospital in your non-maternity jeans? The nausea does sound worse with twins, so I can’t imagine how awful you must have felt. All worth it, but goodness me, those weeks seem very long ones.

  5. I’ve been lucky with my pregnancies. No sickness, bit tired but that was all. Actually I enjoyed pregnancy. Giving birth though, I am RUBBISH at that!

  6. Handpicked says:

    I’ve always envied mothers who carry off a chic looking pregnancy, and never resort to tracksuit bottoms. Good grooming helps, keeping hair cut regularly and nails nice, and both are usually much better during pregnancy.

  7. Lucy M says:

    The only good thing about being pregnant is the baby at the end of it!

  8. I LOVED being pregnant with all four of mine – but I’m not sure what the secret is. Possible because I was never very body conscious to begin with? I was used to being overweight at times, clothes never quite fitting (the price of being 6′ tall, no matter what weight I am at), and have never managed to master the art of moving gracefully. Dribbled coffee, whilst worse during pregnancy, wasn’t exactly unheard of. Dropping things and bumping into things? Quite usual activities for me.
    Tiredness wasn’t fun, but now I had a genuine excuse to give in to it.
    And before you say it, I didn’t have easy pregnancies healthwise; the first was straightforward, but the next three involved a lot of hospital visits, unpleasant side-effects, regular chiro for a twisted pelvis and of course working full time plus looking after small children.
    But I LOVED it, and often get a pang that I’ll never experience it again.

  9. angels&urchinsblog says:

    Handpicked – I’ll get myself to a beauty salon forthwith!

    Lucy M – I’ll drink (something non-alcoholic) to that.

    Laura – I wonder if being tall does help, more space for the baby? And, sigh, I wonder if that pang ever goes away? I bet, despite my whinging, it won’t for me either.

  10. ha! Maybe that’s what you need – just another few inches of length in there!

  11. Sounds like you’re completely looking forward to the birth! I remember enjoying being pregnant for about the last couple of months but before then I hated it.

    CJ xx

  12. Mummy Bear says:

    ha ha…I am 20 weeks in and I hear you sister! I feel lathargic, huge, sluggish, boring, ‘wooden’ (Mr Scruff the husbands description of my clumsiness), sick yet hungry, tense. What we go through to get all the love in the world! It’s worth it in the end!! (It is, it is…!)

  13. Oh, I so know how you feel, although it was a little while ago now since my last. However, I have a new baby in the house, of the four legged kind, and boy is he keeping me busy, which is why I apologise for taking so long to publicly thank you for my gorgeous gift, that’s all remidied now. Put your feet up xxxx

  14. Ash says:

    Ah hahaha. Hilarious. My due date is in a few days and I’m FINALLy on mat leave.

  15. angels&urchinsblog says:

    Laura – I’ve always maintained that I’m a tall person in a short body. So it’s a shame I make tall children!

    Crystal Jigsaw – can’t wait for b-day, that’s for sure.

    Mummy Bear – Goodness, sounds as though we might be sharing the same ward!

    North West London Girl – A four-legged baby in the house? Can we send cameras down?!

    Ash – OOH, look forward to hearing how it goes. Good luck, and enjoy maternity leave.

  16. gail says:

    having just had number four, I can honestly say I am ecstatic that the long pregnancy months are over for ever and ever. hurrah! feel like i have done my job well, and now time to enjoy raising this brood and enjoying my life as well.
    I quite enjoyed being pregnant, always feel very lucky, sexy and groovy when up the duff, but it is not a normal state, is it? Just need to get rid of this blinking infected boob, get the breastfeeding going smoothly, and it will be a one-way ticket to normal life for this big beluga ha ha!
    You’ll be alright in a few months. You wont disapear off the planet if you miss a few parties _ just give up on your high standards for a while, let things go a bit, and life will feel more manageable…

  17. angels&urchinsblog says:

    Gail – Congratulations on number four (and hope you sort the recalcitrant boob out). Thanks for your wise words; I will go and make a cup of tea right away.

  18. nomorexcuses says:

    Bless you. I’d prescribe a good walk & fresh air, followed by someone to bake you nice things & make the tea while you put your feet up for a while. I reckon we women put so much pressure on ourselves to enjoy/bloom/cope throughout this whole baby-making process, that we then feel like we’ve failed when we don’t fit the cliche. You’re making your 4th baby Girl! And I for one am mightily impressed. Just because lots of women have babies, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. You & your body are very very clever. Now have a walk, do your kegels ;) & then go & have a lie down & feel very proud of yourself.
    PS Loads of pregnancy tips (exercise & nausea-busting ideas) over on the website!

  19. angels&urchinsblog says:

    Nomorexcuses – Thank you for a very uplifting comment. I think you’ve actually hit it on the head – I do feel I’m failing by being such a rotten, foul-tempered, tired pregnant person! I’ve visited your website, got some ideas, tried not to give myself such a hard time, and will be badgering you to do a guest post. Thanks again.

  20. nomorexcuses says:

    I’d be delighted! And if I had made 2 more babies than I did, I’d be rotten, foul-tempered & tired too.

  21. I loved this item.

  22. I’m in my first trimester of my pregnancy and am loving it! Being pregnant is definitely a remarkable experience. There is gonna be nothing much more important in this entire world than holding my new born child in my arms for that first time. I can’t wait to meet him! My dreams of being a parent is finally coming true.

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