What a difference a year makes « angels & urchins blog

What a difference a year makes
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

Last year, my oldest son started school. It didn’t go well. In fact, I’d slate it as one of the more stressful experiences of my life. And, at the time, he wasn’t chuffed to bits either.

A few days before term started, the school PTA rep organised a tea at her house for all the new children. Mine was the only one who clung on to my legs and refused to play with his new classmates, despite the lure of a playroom full of Lego. The day before school, the PTA organised another get-together, this time a picnic in a local park. And the same leg-clinging routine happened. On the day itself all the new children were invited in for half a day, and allowed to wear fancy dress. Scores of children dressed as Buzz Lightyear and shiny pink fairies floated around, while my little one refused to dress up and was carted off sobbing. The school term finally started for real, and the first thing my son did that morning was start to cry. He wailed all the way to school, and I had to run out of the classroom to prevent him following me. Needless to say, I was in floods too. The first three weeks of term were miserable. The leg-clinging and crying continued every morning, though his teacher assured me that he was happy once I’d gone. Then, as if by magic, everything was smiles and happiness and my son actually wanted to go to school. One night he even asked me how many hours there were till it was schooltime again. A year on, he’s incredibly happy, has lots of friends, and only this morning got back from a sleepover with one of his classmates. 24 hours away from a boy who a year ago couldn’t even look at his schoolbag without sobbing.

So if you’re reading this and having a tough time settling in a child, take heart. If my experience is anything to go by, you get there in the end. I was lucky in having a fabulous teacher and teaching assistant, and really supportive mothers. I tried not to discuss school too much at home, and didn’t get into a debate about why it was important that he went. After all, unless you decide to home-school, it’s not exactly a negotiable part of life. Could I have handled things better? Inevitably. But as I’ve three more children who will start school too, at least I’ll get some more practice. Any ideas most welcome.

Tags: Food for thought

5 Responses to “What a difference a year makes”

Autumn Mama says:

September 2, 2010 at 16:52

The best bit of advice I was ever given by a fantastic and very experienced teacher is DON’T LINGER in the classroom – you are simply prolonging the agony and as long as you are there, your poor child will continue to sob. I remember I had to literally hand over my blubbing 4 year old to the poor teacher and was telephoned 30 minutes later to be told that all was fine! Looking back, I truly feel it (the crying which lasted on and off for a year) was done to make me feel bad. But if you are unsure and unhappy, do ask the teacher to call you and reassure you that all is fine. If they can’t because they are too busy – just remember, they will call you if they can’t settle your child (but they always can!).
Iota says:

September 2, 2010 at 18:35

My son was very happy to start school, and did so without a problem. But then when it came to the second year, he was miserable. I did the “don’t linger” thing, and had to leave him in tears. It was horrible. The only reason he came up with was “the day is so long”, and there wasn’t really much I could say about that. I think, looking back, it was to do with the teacher, who was newly qualified and inexperienced, and probably out of her depth. I think it made him feel insecure. That, and the fact that they’d mixed the classes up and he wasn’t with his 2 best friends.

It was a dreadful experience. He loves school now, but I still remember that period with a shudder.
KidsTravel2 says:

September 3, 2010 at 16:46

like you we had an up and down time with my son in foundation last year with the gut wrenching oscar winning (but real) tears – it took all my force to walk away from him and hold back my tears till outside the school gates. By the end of the year he loved it.

I dealt with it by talking through his worries with him and trying to help him beat them. May sound corny but giving him coping strategies helped. Realised he had a particularly low point at lunch time as this was what marked the difference between pre-school and school. At pre-school I picked him up for a cosy lunch at home with me and his sister or with friends. He sorely missed this and homesicknesses struck when he had to stay at school!

One of the dinner ladies took him under her wing. I also made him smaller lunches so he didn’t feel under pressure to eat it all in the alloted time (he was worried about getting told off by the dinner ladies if he didn’t!).

Basically he grew in confidence throughout the year and it all sorted itself out eventually.
karin says:

September 4, 2010 at 15:10

my daughter starts on monday and she’s one of the youngest in her year so reading your sound advice – thank you!
angelsandurchinsblog says:

September 5, 2010 at 10:46

Autumn Mama – Sounds like the Irish singer, ‘Do you have to let it linger’. Good advice, thank you.

Iota – Such a shame to have a positive start, only to have the good work undone later on. Goes to show how tough school can actually be. Can’t pretend that I’m not relieved to have my own schooldays behind me.

KidsTravel2 – What a traumatic time for all of you, especially because it went on for so long. You must have wanted to hug the dinner lady (and probably did!). Interesting that the trigger points may well have been to do with issues that you hadn’t expected – lunch, for example.

Karin – Very best of luck for tomorrow.

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