I adore Waitrose. I worship at the shrine of Essentials Blueberries (‘Ha!’ says my mother, not sure blueberries were ‘essentials’ in my day), love that the meat is always top notch and their in-store butchers know what they’re talking about, and like being talked to in a calm, polite way by their unfailingly unflappable staff. But Waitrose, oh Waitrose, this is not what I want for Mother’s Day.

Being a mother doesn’t necessarily mean you like pink. If you want garden secateurs you probably would rather they came in a uniform garden sludge colour rather than a floral print. Dodgy chocolates don’t get any nicer because they’re covered in pastel paper. Bailey’s is NOT my first choice of drink – and women have been known to enjoy drinks that aren’t sweeter than a box of Cadbury’s Heroes.

In short, ‘Essentials mums’ don’t all adore coating everything in sugared almonds. How about some great novels? Really good pair of knock-out earrings? Even a bumper pack of Opaque, 40denier and sheer tights to get you through the spring? And I’m not talking pink pairs.