I’m sorry. Fortunately, it being a wordless Wednesday, I don’t have to say much. But if you’re going to go Barbie, at least this is chic…? Hot on the teeny tiny, if skyscraper, heels of Christian Louboutin’s limited edition Barbie range, comes the latest glamazon styles, available at the ASOS Barbie Lounge. The full range runs to 30 dolls in little black dresses (£30 each), most of which are only available in the States. ASOS has six, plus the cutest accessory packs (£15) – my favourite is the gold one, left. My goddaughter is going to love me. Not sure about her mother, though.

We wanted to support the fabulous fundraising efforts going on at the Great Panto Review at Have a Lovely Time. Linda Jones at You’ve Got Your Hands Full dreamt up the idea (oh yes she did!), to raise money for the work of NACCPO, which provides invaluable support to parent run organisations support children and young adults with cancer. angels & urchins blog has already made a donation, and then gave her children an even larger hug than usual. The team are hoping to raise £1,000, and any donation, however small, is very welcome - just click here.

And read reviews of other London Christmas shows by clicking here.

That Jane Asher is a national treasure. I knew this before watching her as the Wicked Queen in Richmond’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. A Beatle’s ex-girlfriend, all that cake decorating, the sending herself up on French & Saunders. But her status as demi-goddess is now confirmed. She danced, she shimmied, she smouldered, and cracked gags and bolts of lightning with equal aplomb. Seriously, partner her up with Joanna Lumley, and they’ll be running Britain in no time at all.

And there’s a lot more to love in this most traditional of pantomimes. It follows the classic formula of put-upon heroine eventually finding true love with a (rather dishy, in this case) handsome prince. Adventures along the way take Snow White, played by a winsome and beautifully voiced Sapphire Elia out of the village and into an enchanted wood, where the Queen’s Magician ordered to murder can’t bring himself to kill her. Instead, he leaves her to be chased by zombies, and eventually rescued by the seven dwarfs. They’re a cute bunch, full of jokes and slapstick, though I particularly fell in love with Cheeky played by Ray Griffiths because he was, well, so cheeky. He didn’t get to snog Snow White, but he gave it a darned good try. The Villagers were fantastic dancers, and managed to pull off all the leaping into song and dance for no apparent reason without being cheesy. And the theatre itself, with its traditional proscenium arch and gilt, red and cream decor and boxes, is straight out of a Victorian Christmas card, as is its setting right on Richmond Green.

And if you like a gag, you’ll love comedian Tim Vine as Muddles. He’s a former world record holder for the most jokes told in an hour, and they come thick (well, not so thick – Vine won Celebrity Mastermind, don’t you know) and fast. One of the main roles of the ‘Buttons’ character is getting the audience involved, and Muddles was brilliant. “Whenever I come on, say, ‘What’s up, Muddles’”. The roof almost lifted each time, as it did when he continually got his name wrong. “I’m Puddles, I’m wet”, was a joke even the tiniest theatre goers could laugh along too. And there were plenty of more sophisticated jokes for the older crew, pointing fun at everyone from bankers and their salaries, to MPs.

The supporting cast, during the matinee I attended, was the audience. They whooped, they yelled, they knew exactly what to say and when.  Is there now a school module in Pantomime etiquette? Wouldn’t be surprised,  because the scores of 11-year-old schoolchildren knew the form. As soon as the curtains opened, they were yelling “It’s behind you”. They adored Queen’s Magician Jonathan Shotton, who produced doves, bunches of flowers and playing cards from nowhere. “He’s way cool!” yelled a happy girl sitting right behind us. The same girl, and her friends, practically fainted when David Gale as the Prince appeared.  He’s not famous yet, but watch this space if his new legion of 11-year-old fans have anything to do with it. I thought there would be a rush to the stage when he kissed Snow White for the first time. “S’not fair”, wailed the row of girls.

And there ain’t nothing like a dame. Stephen David, playing Nurse Nora in his tenth consecutive year as dame, was fabulous. The lightning speed costume changes, the even quicker gags, the traditional references to the panto’s location: “Ooh yes, Poundland for Snow White’s present. Oh, we’re in Richmond. Well, Richmond, let me explain about Poundland…” Richmond, in case you didn’t know, is one of Britain’s wealthiest towns. He looked fabulous in his pom-pom hats, his Tube Map ensemble (with the underground’s scored circle logo around his face) and some very natty little boots.

The Pantomime is a little long – 2 hours 20 minutes, including the interval – and possibly a bit loud. My three-year-old practically dived under his seat during the first song. And Jane, bless her, dances and acts better than she warbles. As she put it, with a raised eyebrow, when turned from evil incarnate into Stepford Wife and dispatched to housekeep for the dwarfs, “I cook a lot better than I sing”. Though you can forgive her anything for the way she shimmies in her skintight sequin dresses, but you might want to prepare Grandpa. 

Richmond Theatre The Green, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1QJ (www.ambassadortickets.com/richmond)
BOX OFFICE 0844 871 7651