Ever fancied doing something dazzlingly different with your kids? It’s the summer holidays and it’s hot. Too hot for museums, the paddling pool has, quite frankly, had its day and if you have to go to the park one more time you’re going to scream. Getting on to the water has to be one of the most calming, soothing things you can do. And, in this case, one of the most exciting. And you don’t have to put your cozzie on!

London RIB (rigid inflatable boat) Voyages operate fast speed boat tours every hour from the London Eye Pier. They offer a 45 minute tour of the Thames from the London Eye up to Canary Wharf and back, part slow and cultural (take your camera), and part high speedride in a speedboat (take plastic bag for aforesaid camera). My kids love boats, but not long boat journeys – the Thames cruises can take up to 2 or 3 hours. This trip whizzed past (as did we!) and was the perfect amount of time to spend on a hot day on the river. It’s not hard to drum up the enthusiasm. Just chuck in ‘fast’ and ‘speedboat’ and they’re on for it. The company provides lifejackets all year and warm waterproofs in the winter. You don’t really get wet. Best of all for young families there’s no age limit and the speed will shock even the most recalcitrant toddler into stunned silence. You might want to watch it at the other end of the age spectrum though. It felt a bit like going on a roller coaster. About ten times, although Harry, my 9 year old, and I did sit at the front where you get thrown around a bit.

I’m a Londoner born and bred. So are all my children. But I realised on this trip that we don’t know the half of it. Up to about Tower Bridge I’m OK but beyond that it’s another world. And shockingly I had NEVER been on a boat on the Thames. Nor to the Tower of London. Nor the Globe Theatre. Nor to the Docklands. Miles and miles of swish looking apartments in converted warehouses, (yes, these are apartments, not flats). As we picked up speed the ‘other’ side of Tower Bridge, I found myself explaining to Harry all about the Docks and the wharves and warehouses with names such as ‘Spice’. Harry was saved any further lecturing by the sudden jet propulsion as we took off at breakneck speed for the fun part of the trip – racing around the docklands’ ‘playground’. The river is much wider here. Perfect for 40 knot dipping and flying, crashing down onto the waves, engines screaming, us screaming, hair flying and gripping the metal bar uber tightly. Not sure how the young professional Bank holiday lie-ins were faring at this point. However we then snuck back past the river police, ever so slowly, and the official tour began.

Our guide, Matthew, seemed to be trying his stand-up comic routine on us as a captive audience. Despite some pretty rough gags, I found myself laughing. He spoke very fast – too fast for any tourist – but perfectly for us and the children. “William in his Norman
Wisdom...decided to build the Tower of London ... a regiment of soldiers – the Brittany spears ... we’ll pick up some speed – chortle chortle.” That kind of thing. However, best of all he gave a gory and gruesome but factual potted history of all the major London landmarks situated on the banks of the Thames. Just one or two interesting facts about each one: torture and execution in the Tower, City Hall (compulsory Boris joke here) and DickWhittington, past HMS Belfast whose guns can reach a target 14 miles away, Pudding Lane and the Monument, the Art Deco Building in Hay’s Wharf, London Bridge, the Golden Hinde, the Globe and Shakespeare and the Tate Modern (“the fact that it’s now free sort of exculpates the Brits for nicking all that stuff!”). It was at this point that Harry said out of the blue “an experience of a lifetime”. Yes, really. On past St Paul’s Cathedral, the South Bank, Cleopatra’s Needle where there are still unexploded bombs in the mud beneath the water, and under Westminster Bridge with Big Ben obligingly chiming the hour for us. We saw several tug boats pulling enormous heavy loads and our guide explained that the river is increasingly being used for transportation again to combat pollution and traffic problems. He was a refreshing alternative to the usual monotone tour guides.

The trip provided the perfect outing with no motorway queues. It was a thrilling boat ride that really got your adrenalin pumping, teamed with a bit of culture and history. Just enough to have the kids wanting to find out more. Perhaps it is time we visited the Tower.

London Rib Voyages, 47 York Road, SE1
www.londonribvoyages.com Tel 7928 8933
Adults £29, children £18.