By Helen Johnson. Illustration by Charlotte Cleveland.

Back to school. New challenges loom, vulnerabilities will be exposed. Whether it is their first term, a new school or a year of important exams, school life can be at times enormous fun and at others difficult and unsettling. There are lots of ways parents can help. Most important of all, if your child is encouraged to believe in his or herself, he or she will be better able to cope with whatever life throws up, whether in the playground or further afield.

Acceptance
Accept and love your child for who they are. Be honest with yourself about their abilities. If they misbehave forgive them, try to understand why and don’t judge. Human nature is delicate. We need time and tenderness to help our children flower.

Be open about Bullying
Encourage your children not to be intimidated and to talk to you about it as soon as it happens. Give them strategies to cope and ideas of how they can respond. Encourage humour. Explain to them that most bullies are people who are not very confident themselves so try to make other people feel as bad as they do.

Comparison
You cannot compare a sunflower to an oak tree. Both are special and beautiful in their own right and have a valid place in the world. Make your children aware of their own uniqueness and encourage them to be happy with their individuality. As parents try to embrace this too and don’t expect your children to be like you or how you would like them to be.

Delight in their accomplishments.

Explanations
Take time to explain as much as you can. Forewarned is forearmed! The better prepared they are, the greater their self confidence. Explain to your children that everyone has fears and anxieties and that their vulnerabilities are quite normal.

Fear
Fear is the greatest enemy of confidence. Identify your child’s fear and then help them to visualize it differently. Children have the most incredible imagination which if used positively is a wonderful life tool. Take exams as an example. Sit with your child and help them to imagine that they are in the exam writing happily, confidently and clearly, knowing they are doing their best. F is also for Faith. Have faith in your children. Allow them to have input and give them responsibility to make their own decisions.

Gimmicks, Gadgets, Games
An unusual item of clothing or a funky gadget is a great icebreaker for a new situation. Teach your children the games you played at school – jacks, marbles, hopscotch.

Hugs
Physical affection is one of the most obvious ways of demonstrating to your children that they are loved and valued.

Intuition
All children are intuitive. They will know if you are not being straight with them, or if you are hiding something or deceiving them. Be as appropriately honest as possible, even if it is uncomfortable for you. If you deny them the truth, you confuse their intuition. Learning to make the right decisions on their own is one of the most important things they have to learn in life.

Jokes
Arm your kids with a few friendly funnies to help break the ice in new situations.

Kindness
Be kind to your children and encourage them to be kind to others. 'Do unto others as you would have them do to you' is a good house motto.

Love, love, love
The most important one of all. Reassure them that they are loved, no matter what. To love your children you have to love yourself too. So be kind to yourself. Your best is the best you can do.

Magic
If you can dream it, you can do it. Help your children to believe in their own magic. Teach them that they can make their dreams come true. Help them understand the power of the mind. One sports day a group of children were walking to school. By chance they were all in the same house at school and their house colour was green. As they walked, they visualized their house captain holding the cup with green ribbons tied to it. Needless to say they won that year for the first time in 10 years!

Nurturing
Nurture your child’s strengths and their vulnerabilities. Give them time and listen. Little treats in their lunch box or at home time all add to the sense of nurturing.

Originality
Encourage your children to be original and to be proud of their originality.

Praise
Give appropriate and thoughtful praise. Children are not foolish. If you praise them for something that is not worthy, the praise becomes meaningless. Avoid criticism - human nature remembers the negative far more than the positive. If criticism is appropriate, always follow it with praise.

Questioning
A child is unlikely to be forthcoming about what may be worrying them. Gently question your children to discover their fears and anxieties.

Reassurance
Human nature relies heavily on reassurance. Never tire of letting your children know that they are doing OK! Reward them.

Structure and Boundaries
Children need enough freedom to discover who they are, but also appropriate boundaries to help them feel safe and contained as well as to protect them from obvious danger. There is a fine balance between giving children enough space to develop into who they are and giving clear rules to help steer them in the right direction. Rules give a sense of security. However the rules should be to support their development not to control them.

Trust
Trust in your child’s spirit. The more you trust in them the more they can learn to trust themselves. Believe in their innate intelligence and inner guidance. The more you believe in it, the easier it will be for them to have it.

Uniqueness
We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. We all have something to offer. Help your children to value this. Help them not to mind being different. Encourage them to develop into their true selves and their individuality.

Value your child
Give them time. Be patient. Show them that they are important. Value their opinions and their decisions. Respect their choices, even if they are different to yours.

Weight
Other children will always pick on any physical flaw. Make your kids aware of healthy eating.

Xylophone
Mucking around with music and rhythm is good for the soul.

Your stuff
Try not to project your anxieties and fears onto your children. Don’t over compensate for problems you had as a child. You are their role model. Like it or not, their behaviour and beliefs are just an extension of yours. Be brave and always be prepared to admit when you’re wrong and apologise when you’re out of order. That way you teach them to do the same.

Zip, zoom, zap
Don’t forget that some rough and tumble is healthy. Encourage your children to let off steam with imaginative play.